Stressed to the Max

So the title says it all. I'm stressed to the max.

Work has been absolutely chaotic. I'm in the middle of one marketing plan and I'm making all of the preparations for the one next month. I finally wrapped up my August plan, but there are still a few pieces here and there that need to be taken care of. I'm planning a filming for next week, finishing up board letter materials (which are due Wednesday), and Trustee pieces (for the HUGE event on Friday).

Then there is school. I am in my second week of school and I feel in over my head. At least twice a day I question if grad school was the right step for my life right now. I've got so much reading and I'm struggling trying to have a social life, crossfit, and read.

Then there is home. I haven't planned my meals this week and I'm nervous that I won't be able to comply with my challenge rules. I did pretty well camping, but the work week is a different story. Mom is having surgery on Friday, which I'm trying not to stress about, but the trying isn't going to well. I am having a GIANT case of marriage envy.

Am I happy now? Yes I am, so why am I freaking out so much? I just feel lost. I believe I'm having a quarter-life crisis. Though I'm perfectly happy, I don't feel like I am where I am supposed to be in life. It is my past and my expectations that I need to let go of.

God is trying to teach  me something, I know it, but I'm really struggling right now.

I get daily devotional emails and Thursday's ended in the perfect prayer. The one I should be saying to myself at times like these.

Dear Lord, I am tired, and I can't figure things out. Please help me see Your part in this equation. Where my strength ends is where Your will begins. Help me, Lord, to look to You for my very next step. I will wait in calm expectation. In Jesus' Name, amen.

Whole Life Challenge Day 4

So, I am on Day 4 of my challenge. The sugar problem has been easier, but mainly because I planned all of my meals over the weekend and I don't have a bunch of options. All of the meals have been delicious so far, but I have really been wanting some junk food. Things that come to mind: nachos, beer, bacon cheese fries, margaritas, and chips & salsa. I've been trying to find recipes that may be similar to these things so I can trick myself into thinking I'm eating them.

I've been starting my day with a hard boiled egg, which has been a good protein start to my day. Today I added a green smoothie. It was delicious, but I could definitely feel the sugar rush from the fruit (not always a bad thing). For lunch, I've had chicken salad wrapped in butter lettuce. Very good and shockingly filling.

I have had two things that have become my favorite. One is the Mexican Rice Bowl mom made on Monday. I got the recipe from PaleOMG. It is delicious. You make the rice from cauliflower. And we ate it with our new favorite guacamole recipe. My other favorite is a banana with MeeNut Butter. This is such an awesome mid-afternoon snack.

I've ordered a few things that I'm looking forward to getting in the mail:

• Tessemae's Dressings
• I ordered the Lemon Garlic, Hot Hot Sauce, Cracked Pepper, and Zesty Ranch.
• I can't wait to try them.
• Coconut Wraps
• I'm very intrigued by how these are going to taste. 
• Tri-Tip
• I get to pick this up tomorrow! 

Now that I've finished dreaming of food, I need to read for school. I've been putting it off, but hopefully this coffee will help me stay awake!

New Challenge

Before I go into my new challenge, let me wrap up my old one. Last year my challenge to myself was to donate $100 every month to a different charity. Did I complete it? No, but I'm not upset about it. A little more than halfway through, I realized that I was doing it for the wrong reasons. I was doing it because I thought that is what I should do and I wanted people to see me doing something good. I also was hoping to find a charity to donate to monthly. I did that. It wasn't one of my bigger donations, but I was happy to find one that I felt deserved the monthly donation (not that the other ones don't, but this one really struck a cord).

Now, I donate to the Wounded Warrior Project on a monthly basis. I love what they do and I'm happy to be a part of their organization. I also love that they have a close affiliation with CrossFit. They have some gyms that are dedicated to wounded warriors and I think that is absolutely awesome.

So my new challenge. I have a few actually. 2013 has been a wonderful year so far. I started CrossFit, shot a gun for the first time, celebrated many occasions with family, started an MBA program, and now I am on an 8-week Whole Life Challenge.

The Whole Life Challenge drives you not only to change your eating, but your entire lifestyle. I cannot eat any processed food (if the ingredient doesn't come from my mom's kitchen, then I can't eat it (xanthan gum, artificial ingredients). I get extra points for daily mobility, workouts, supplements, and other lifestyle changes (more sleep, more water, etc.). I am really excited, but really nervous.

I can't have sugar either and sugar is in everything! It has been hard trying to figure out what to eat, but I think I've got a system down. Hopefully I can keep it up while camping this weekend. 

Charity of Choice - June & July

Charity of Choice - June - Headbands of Hope
So June's charity of choice was a a little different than my normal $100 donation. I found this absolutely amazing charity called Headbands of Hope. A college student from North Carolina University started this charity after an internship with Make-A-Wish. She worked with many young girls that had cancer and because of the cancer had lost her hair. She saw the impact on the self-esteem of these young girls and wanted to do something about it. So, she created Headbands of Hope.

For each beautiful headband you buy, a little girl with cancer gets one too! And $1 goes to the St. Baldrick's Foundation. What a great idea! So I bought 3 headbands (2 shabby, 1 glitter). They are absolutely gorgeous! I am going to buy a beaded one soon and a lace one. I'm so excited.

I absolutely love this charity because I couldn't imagine what life would be like if I lost my hair. Seeing the young girls at my hospital without hair makes me so sad, but things like this give them hope and make them feel beautiful. I'm so touched by this young girl's dream and I am so happy that she is doing something about it.

Charity of Choice - July - Stand Up To Cancer
Baseball season is in full swing. It is my favorite time of year. I am obsessed with baseball. I love everything about it. The smell of the grass, the bright lights, the food and the game itself. I love the strategy, the rivalry and the Red Sox! In honor of baseball, I am donating to Stand Up To Cancer.

MLB is a major supporter of Stand Up to Cancer. Here is a little bit about them from their website:
Stand Up To Cancer (SU2C) is a groundbreaking initiative created to accelerate innovative cancer research that will get new therapies to patients quickly and save lives now. SU2C is bringing together the best and the brightest researchers and encouraging collaboration instead of competition among the entire cancer community. By galvanizing the entertainment industry, SU2C creates awareness and builds broad public support for this effort.


I am so happy to support this organization and go Red Sox!

Charity of Choice - April & May

Oh my goodness. I can't believe that it is practically June already. Where has the time gone? Though I haven't posted recently, I have been donating. I've been doing a lot of thinking about my blog recently. Am I using it as much as I want? No. Am I doing what I wanted to do? Yes.

I started to feel guilty about not writing a blog post, but I started to think about it and that isn't what it is about. I have been donating and I've been helping people with the donations. Strength in hope is all about living with faith, hope and love, doing good in the community and enjoying every part of life - and that is exactly what I have been doing.

I am continuously reminded of how blessed I am. The things that add stress to my life: work, scheduling, finding a time to do everything; is actually why I am so blessed. I have been trying to change my mind frame around so I have been thinking that way. Work has been extremely stressful. BUT I am blessed to have a job and a job that I enjoy going to every day. Each day at my job I am helping people. I may not be a nurse or a doctor, but I'm a communicator and I am using those skills to help people. Being a recent college grad and only 23, I feel so incredibly blessed to have the job that I do and now I get paid salary! Another blessing!

I have been feeling overwhelmed by all the stuff I have to do outside of work. I feel like I haven't had a chance to rest, but you know what, I love it. I have been busy, but it has been amazing. I've been hanging out with people I love and enjoy being with. I read something somewhere that said "You never remember the nights you get too much sleep." And I always laugh at this because I want to get too much sleep, but it is very true. In the past two months, I've spent a lot of time with my family, gone to San Francisco with my amazing boyfriend, traveled to Vegas with some wonderful friends, attended a Lady Antebellum concert with more wonderful friends and started co-leading my Monday night Bible study. When I look back on the past two months, I can't help but thank God for the marvelous blessings He has given me, the doors He has opened for me and the people He has put in my life. All I can say is "wow."

April Charity of Choice
For my April charity, I chose the March of Dimes. The March of Dimes is amazing! The money they raise goes towards support programs in communities to promote healthy, full-term babies. They do a lot for my hospital and we are lucky to have their support. The March of Dimes works directly with our NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit). If you've never seen a NICU baby, it is a whole new experience. Many of the babies in our NICU were born weighing less than 2 pounds! 2 pounds is ridiculously small.  Many small dogs weigh more than that! I work closely with our NICU and I am so used to seeing these tiny babies that to see a "normal" baby (6-8 pounds) I feel like they are huge!  As part of my job, I was able to attend the March for Babies LA Walk. We hosted a booth and it was amazing to see all of these families reunite with nurses that took care of their little ones. Many of my friends were in the NICU when they were born and this donation is dedicated to them. It also is dedicated to my little cousin Jackson. He was born early and weighing 4 pounds. He is a healthy, crazy 7-year-old now. This is one of my favorite photos of us. He was 2-years-old here.

May Charity of Choice
In honor of National Stroke Awareness Month, I donated to the National Stroke Association. Another part of working at the hospital, we deal with a lot of stroke patients. One extremely scary statistic is that every 40 seconds in the U.S., someone has a stroke. It is the no. 1 cause of disability in America! Many people confuse strokes with "heart attacks," but that isn't it at all. Strokes can be considered a "brain attack." Strokes take over your brain and depending on the severity of the stroke and the location in your brain, you can lose sight, motor skills and more. Also, "time is brain." If you or someone you know is having a stroke, immediately call 911. Don't brush off the symptoms. The most important thing I can stress about stroke is know the signs and all you have to remember to do is Think F.A.S.T.
F - Facial droop (common symptom)
A - Arm of leg weakness (common symptom)
S - Slurred speech (common symptom)
T - Time (call 911 immediately)
I donated to the National Stroke Association in honor of all of the patients at Long Beach Memorial and Miller Children's that have had strokes and my stepdad's dad, grandpa Arthur, who passed away from complication from a stroke when I was 5-years-old. 

Charity of Choice - March

Once again I am behind on my Charity of Choice for this month, but I am super excited about this one. This month I chose to donate to the St. Baldrick's Foundation.

I learned about the St. Baldrick's Foundation through my work at Miller Children's Hospital Long Beach. Each day I am faced with children battling cancer and it saddens me. It is hard enough watching an adult go through cancer, but to see a young child, baby or teenager hooked up to an IV is incredibly hard to watch. Last March, I attended a St. Baldrick's Foundation where some of the money raised went towards pediatric cancer research at my hospital. March is the biggest time for the Foundation which is why I chose this as the month to donate to their efforts.

The St. Baldrick's Foundation hosts head shaving events to raise money for pediatric cancer research. Men, women and children of all ages raise money to have their heads shave in honor of pediatric cancer. Since their creation, they have raised $13 million for pediatric cancer research. Each year, they have five St. Baldrick's "Kid" Ambassadors. These kids tell their story of their battle with cancer. They choose five children to represent the alarming statistic that one in five children diagnosed with cancer will pass away.

Another reason why I love this charity so much, is that my dear friend Rachel works for them. We met at the St. Baldrick's event last year and I am so blessed to have her in my life. We both share a passion of raising awareness about what people can do to help kids with cancer.

You can donate to the foundation or your can buy their amazing shirts. I just bought two! They have new Marvel comic shirts which are absolutely amazing and I just bought a shirt that says "childhood cancer takes love." I can't wait to get these shirts in! St. Baldrick's is a phenomenal organization and I am proud to have them be my March Charity of Choice.

Grandpa Larry

Below is a picture of me and my Grandpa Larry. This is the grandpa I wrote about in my last post. I love him and miss him dearly.

Why I Chose To Write Love On Her Arms

When I first saw To Write Love On Her Arms (TWLOHA), I was very intrigued. It seemed like a great charity and it got even better when I looked into it. What always catching my eye on their site is their mission statement.

To Write Love on Her Arms is a non-profit movement dedicated to presenting hope and finding help for people struggling with depression, addiction, self-injury and suicide. TWLOHA exists to encourage, inform, inspire and also to invest directly into treatment and recovery. 


Every time I read this, I tear up. Especially the line saying "presenting hope and finding help." They are doing a great thing and I am very happy to know about their mission.

In 2008, I was working on my homework when I received a call from my mom saying that my grandfather was in the hospital. It is funny how my family works because even though my parents are divorced I am so incredibly blessed that they have remained great friends. They don't know how much this has meant to me over the years. Anyways, whenever something happens in my dad's family, he calls my mom. And I don't know if they worked this system this way or if my mom just does it, but she always calls to give me a warning that my dad will be calling to give me bad news. I appreciate the heads up, but this time it wasn't quite what I expected.

My grandfather had been sick for awhile so it didn't seem odd to me that he was in the hospital, but I asked my mom why. Her response "He was shot." Well another background story, my grandfather was a Harley rider with a ponytail that was usually longer than mine and a beard just as long. He had sleeves of tattoos that apparently included naked women. I say apparently because when I was born my dad asked his own father to cover up his tattoos. So every time I saw my grandpa, he had long sleeves on. He was in a motorcycle riding gang called the Los Barachos - The Drunks. He was a bartender. He rode a trike because he had been in a few motorcycle accidents and one leg was shorter than the other due to injuries sustained from those accidents. I loved his motorcycle boots because one had a platform and the other one was normal to help him walk steadier. Even though we never talked much or saw each other very often, I loved him and enjoyed the person he was. So when my mother said he was shot, I can't say that I wasn't shocked, but I thought maybe he had gotten into a bar fight.

Then my next question was "Who Shot Him?" And the line went silent. That is how I found out my grandfather had committed suicide. I was stunned and literally didn't know what to do. My roommate wasn't home, but I was so confused, angry, upset and crying that I just was stunned.

Who knows why he did it. He was going bankrupt and taking care of 4 grandchildren that were his second wife's daughter's kids. He was depressed. The autopsy showed he had cancer and maybe it was the pain that caused this. I have no idea.

Of course, we will never know his reasons for why he did this, but it is a thought that often crossed my mind. If any of you have ever known someone that has committed suicide, you will know the tricks your mind plays on you. To commit suicide, you have to be in a dark dark place filled with nothing. You have no hope at all. Your mind can kind of take you there, but I know there is hope and I know that I have an amazing family that loves me that I am able to snap out of it and forget it.

Am I angry at my grandpa? I was. Am I over what he did? No. Am I learning to cope with it? Yes. I use my grandfather's death as a reminder to always have hope and to never give up. My "hope" tattoo was partly homage to him for all of his tattoos, but it was also a reminder to have hope.

The World Health Organization estimates that each year, 1 million people die from suicide. Which equals out to one death every 40 seconds. In the last 40 years, suicide rates have gone up 60%. 55% of all suicides are in people ages 15-44. HOLY COW.

Those statistics scare me. I never thought my family would have someone that committed suicide, but it happened. I never understood why Ernest Hemingway committed suicide at such an old age because (according to me) you should have your life settled by then and should be happy. My grandfather was 63 (I believe). The statistic that scares me more is the amount of suicides in younger people and the alarming increase in the past 40 years.

I chose TWLOHA for my February donation because I believe that they are doing the right thing. They are bringing light to depression issues around the world and they are encouraging people to get help. I truly believe that they completely understand and embody what it means to have Strength In Hope.

Charity of Choice - February

I can't believe that February is almost over. The first went by so fast and I kept forgetting to make my February donation for this month. I need to remember to focus on this project and remember the strength that comes from hope.

My charity of choice for February is To Write Love on Her Arms. Later this week, I will write a longer post explaining why this I chose to donate to this charity.

226,870 New Cases of Breast Cancer in 2012

It is estimated that in 2012, there will be 226,870 new cases of invasive breast cancer in women. That number is absolutely insane to me. It is also estimated that 39,510 women will die of breast cancer in 2012. Those numbers right there are why I am so passionate about the Susan G. Komen Foundation.

The Susan G. Komen foundation began with the dream of a sister. Nancy's sister, Susan G. Komen, was diagnosed with breast cancer. Below is the exact "about us" taken from their website.

"Susan G. Komen fought breast cancer with her heart, body and soul. Throughout her diagnosis, treatments, and endless days in the hospital, she spent her time thinking of ways to make life better for other women battling breast cancer instead of worrying about her own situation. That concern for others continued even as Susan neared the end of her fight. Moved by Susan’s compassion for others and committed to making a difference, Nancy G. Brinker promised her sister that she would do everything in her power to end breast cancer forever.

That promise is now Susan G. Komen for the Cure®, the global leader of the breast cancer movement, having invested more than $1.9 billion since inception in 1982. As the world’s largest grassroots network of breast cancer survivors and activists, we’re working together to save lives, empower people, ensure quality care for all and energize science to find the cures. Thanks to events like the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure® and the Susan G. Komen 3-Day for the Cure®, and generous contributions from our partners, sponsors and fellow supporters, we have become the largest source of nonprofit funds dedicated to the fight against breast cancer in the world. "

WOW! The line about Nancy promising her sister that she would do everything she could to end breast cancer forever makes me cry every time I read it. The Susan G. Komen Foundation is so inspiring. My grandma was the first person to tell me about this Foundation and I am happy she did. They are changing lives and creating more hope for everyone affected by breast cancer.

The money donated to the foundation goes to advancing research, education, screening and treatment for breast cancer. When the Susan G. Komen Foundation started 25 years ago, "the five-year survival rate was just 74 percent when breast cancer was diagnosed before it spread beyond the breast. Today, that survival rate is 98 percent."

That is crazy! They are doing amazing things and I am so happy to join them in the fight for a cure.